Solomonster

ok... I don't get DIY, but I do take pictures with a digital camera. Should I move my clothes to the lower peg?*



Headmaster: All right, settle down, settle down. [He puts his
papers down.] Now before I begin the lesson will those of you
who are playing in the match this afternoon move your clothes
down on to the lower peg immediately after lunch before you
write your letter home, if you're not getting your hair cut,
unless you've got a younger brother who is going out this
weekend as the guest of another boy, in which case collect his
note before lunch, put it in your letter after you've had your
hair cut, and make sure he moves your clothes down onto the
lower peg for you. Now...

Wymer: Sir?

Headmaster: Yes, Wymer?

Wymer: My younger brother's going out with Dibble this weekend,
sir, but I'm not having my hair cut today sir, so do I move my
clothes down or...

Headmaster: I do wish you'd listen, Wymer, it's perfectly simple.
If you're not getting your hair cut, you don't have to move
your brother's clothes down to the lower peg, you simply
collect his note before lunch after you've done your scripture
prep when you've written your letter home before rest, move
your own clothes on to the lower peg, greet the visitors, and
report to Mr Viney that you've had your chit signed.
 

I had to post the rest. It was too funny to leave behind:

Now,
sex... sex, sex, sex, where were we?

[Silence from form. A lot of hard thinking of the type
indulged by schoolboys who know they don't know the
answer.]

Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina?

Pupils: Er... er... no sir. No we didn't, sir.

Headmaster: Well had I done foreplay?

Pupils: ...Yes sir.

Headmaster: Well, as we all know about foreplay no doubt you can
tell me what the purpose of foreplay is... Biggs.

Biggs: Don't know, sorry sir.

Headmaster: Carter.

Carter: Er... was it taking your clothes off, sir?

Headmaster: And after that?

Wymer: Putting them on the lower peg sir?

[Headmaster throws a board duster at him and hits him.]

Headmaster: The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to
lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily.

Watson: Could we have a window open please sir?

Headmaster: Yes... Harris will you?... And, of course, to cause the
man's penis to erect and har...den. Now, did I do vaginal
juices last week oh do pay attention Wadsworth, I know it's
Friday afternoon oh watching the football are you boy - right
move over there. I'm warning you I may decide to set an
exam this term.

Pupils: Oh sir...

Headmaster: So just listen... now did I or did I not do vaginal
juices?

Pupils: Yes sir.

Headmaster: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.

Watson: Rubbing the clitoris, sir.

Headmaster: What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hm? Why not start her
off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight
for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.

Wymer: Suck the nipple, sir.

Headmaster: Good. Good. Good, well done, Wymer.

Duckworth: Stroking the thighs, sir.

Headmaster: Yes, I suppose so.

Another: Bite the neck.

Headmaster: Good. Nibbling the ear. Kneading the buttocks, and so
on and so forth. So we have all these possibilities before we
stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.

Watson: Yes sir. Sorry sir.

Headmaster: All these form of stimulation can now take place.

[The Headmaster pulls the bed down.]

... And of course tongueing will give you the best idea of how
the juices are coming along.